Congrats you successfully drove me out of your life
Expectations can be a tricky issue.
The relationship between the parents and I have turned sour after the drive from school to home. They demanded better results. I wouldn't have done better given a second chance. I felt I've done my best and am very much contented. Their words made my self esteem shrink to pea size.
I feel like Im living in a dysfunctional family. Problems with the parents over results are the most trivial things ever yet creating so much friction! Now the brother is hardly home. He should be bestowed the 24/7 most devoted boyfriend award. He no longer has time for his little sister to lend his shoulder to cry on.
The pillow becomes a substitute. More comfortable since the brother is so boney. I haven't had dinner since Monday night because that would mean facing the parents. Crying uncontrollably hard makes me exhausted and put me to a better sleep. However it does not work tonight. My body clock is mightily screwed up but laying on the bed facing the ceiling beats conversing with the parents. I cannot bring myself to exchange a conversation with people who make me feel lousy about myself. And Im not sorry about it.
The worse thing is everytime I force myself to sleep and think of happy thoughts, I cannot. The mind refuses to co-operate. It keeps re-playing the bitterness and brokenness. It is as stubborn as I am. Vulerability does not set in but helplessness sure does. I end up having sleepless nights.
When cold war is over and the parents and I are on talking terms again, I would probably regret posting this entry. Seriously cannot wait for that day to arrive.
Don't get me wrong. I don't hate the parents. I just didn't expect them to kick up such a big fuss over the promo results when in the first place, I was pleased with. It's depressing to know that the people who understands me most wasn't sensitive enough to care about how I feel before they start shooting accusations.
Screw expectations.
Expectations can be a tricky issue.
The relationship between the parents and I have turned sour after the drive from school to home. They demanded better results. I wouldn't have done better given a second chance. I felt I've done my best and am very much contented. Their words made my self esteem shrink to pea size.
I feel like Im living in a dysfunctional family. Problems with the parents over results are the most trivial things ever yet creating so much friction! Now the brother is hardly home. He should be bestowed the 24/7 most devoted boyfriend award. He no longer has time for his little sister to lend his shoulder to cry on.
The pillow becomes a substitute. More comfortable since the brother is so boney. I haven't had dinner since Monday night because that would mean facing the parents. Crying uncontrollably hard makes me exhausted and put me to a better sleep. However it does not work tonight. My body clock is mightily screwed up but laying on the bed facing the ceiling beats conversing with the parents. I cannot bring myself to exchange a conversation with people who make me feel lousy about myself. And Im not sorry about it.
The worse thing is everytime I force myself to sleep and think of happy thoughts, I cannot. The mind refuses to co-operate. It keeps re-playing the bitterness and brokenness. It is as stubborn as I am. Vulerability does not set in but helplessness sure does. I end up having sleepless nights.
When cold war is over and the parents and I are on talking terms again, I would probably regret posting this entry. Seriously cannot wait for that day to arrive.
Don't get me wrong. I don't hate the parents. I just didn't expect them to kick up such a big fuss over the promo results when in the first place, I was pleased with. It's depressing to know that the people who understands me most wasn't sensitive enough to care about how I feel before they start shooting accusations.
Screw expectations.
posted by Male'ana at 10:45:00 PM
10 Comments:
hahahah! we should meet up SOOON! (:
Omigosh Jing, no worries lah. And to think that I actually talked about parent-and-I problems previously in my blog and how I think that I don't hate them and all.
Wow, we do seem alike. Anyway, much love and I hope to see you soon when you're back from the land of the rising sun. :)
Homie!seems parents will always be parents..they always the best of us in whatever we do so dont feel bad cos u aint the only one but if u need someone to talk to or jus chill out,i'm always available!Cheer up!:)
Eh!
Cheer up! You hit your DDDDD targets already, so you should be happy! Just continue to improve next year, maybe CCCCC. After all, it's the A levels that count!
Cheers! Enjoy your trip to Japan!
You hear this many times but I'm just going to type it out anyways.
"It's for your own good!"
I'm sure the cold war will be over.
omg, you're away in japan now and i'm totally dripping with ENVY! i wanna go japan too.
hope the cold war is over by now and i've yet to meet up with you!
hey dear. i hope u are doing well still. likewise, who dont face such thing from the parents right? =)) i miss you! take care sweets!
hello. surprised to see me here? haha. well i don't wanna sound repetitive or anything, but that's just what parents do; coming down hard when results don't show. one day you'll be in their shoes too...
anyway don't worry about the parents or the results too much. i'm staring As in the face and i still haven't got the formula for results right so there's still time for you :)
hey the Cold War ended with negligible hostilities and yours will be the same yeah? [you should be better at history than me x)]
Jing :)
My moma's always expecting lots from me too. It's cos she (or your parents) want what's best for us. Even if it means hurting you now. Take it with a pinch of salt! Be strong as DAWN LEE JING YI HAS ALWAYS BEEN!
Just hang in there aite? :) God hears and sees the 'pillow' episodes and will always be there to give you that shoulder to cry on. I LOVE YOU DEAR!
have a blast in Japan! xoxoxo
Thank you all <3
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