What happens next
What I really need right now is a space. What I really meant to say, though, was that I really need a refuge, a place that I can run to, hide in, be at, and be. But because it sounds a tad cliche, somewhat predictable, and undeniably adolescent-ish, it took me all of half an hour to muster up enough literary courage. Don’t judge.
I wish there was an invisible zip in this air that I could pull down, so I could step into a non-existent space where time stops, where I could curl up and let the pandemonium in my mind crash and spill. So I could step out, sorted. Calm, knowing, with my feet planted on the ground.
Space, I can search. But to make time stop is a selfish wish - just so I could steal some to become a different (less restless or maybe not) person, and yet find the world in the same shape, size, and stance.
It also surprises me how a snug, small space can feel as vast as it could. I guess, immersed in it, somehow the globe gets mapped out, intimate thoughts govern every meek movement, and my being catches on as a tool for this play yet nothing else comes closer to being real. Vast as the unbounded, and maybe this is why - it was, and still is, a wide world after all.
Maybe it's the post CNY syndrome. Because suddenly life and its routines begin to play out; like how it has always been.
25th Jan; Reunion dinner with the paternal family
Steamboat is as sinful as buffet because the food seems endless and everyone tends to overeat. However, that night we were so immersed with taking pictures (well you couldn't blame us since another cousin just had a taste of NS life after being locked in 2 weeks for BMT) we were all busy catching up the only people who were really eating were probably the adults. 'Twas wasted monay on us, on me at least, since I went home hungry and ate maggi.
26th Jan; Chinese Niu Year
Funny how this CNY witnessed me picking up gambling for the first despite pastor preaching on it the day before. No, I don't think I was being rebellious. It wasn't curiousity also. I can't figure what made me compromise with this principle I stuck to for some 19 years but anyway I made a loss nonetheless. Beginner's luck doesn't work on me somehow. Other than that, I was introduced to the much talk-about Warcraft (never too late too learn, isn't it?) and got hooked on it almost instantly. Now all I need to do is set up a garena account or something close to that I think.
I wish there was an invisible zip in this air that I could pull down, so I could step into a non-existent space where time stops, where I could curl up and let the pandemonium in my mind crash and spill. So I could step out, sorted. Calm, knowing, with my feet planted on the ground.
Space, I can search. But to make time stop is a selfish wish - just so I could steal some to become a different (less restless or maybe not) person, and yet find the world in the same shape, size, and stance.
It also surprises me how a snug, small space can feel as vast as it could. I guess, immersed in it, somehow the globe gets mapped out, intimate thoughts govern every meek movement, and my being catches on as a tool for this play yet nothing else comes closer to being real. Vast as the unbounded, and maybe this is why - it was, and still is, a wide world after all.
Maybe it's the post CNY syndrome. Because suddenly life and its routines begin to play out; like how it has always been.
25th Jan; Reunion dinner with the paternal family
Steamboat is as sinful as buffet because the food seems endless and everyone tends to overeat. However, that night we were so immersed with taking pictures (well you couldn't blame us since another cousin just had a taste of NS life after being locked in 2 weeks for BMT) we were all busy catching up the only people who were really eating were probably the adults. 'Twas wasted monay on us, on me at least, since I went home hungry and ate maggi.
26th Jan; Chinese Niu Year
Funny how this CNY witnessed me picking up gambling for the first despite pastor preaching on it the day before. No, I don't think I was being rebellious. It wasn't curiousity also. I can't figure what made me compromise with this principle I stuck to for some 19 years but anyway I made a loss nonetheless. Beginner's luck doesn't work on me somehow. Other than that, I was introduced to the much talk-about Warcraft (never too late too learn, isn't it?) and got hooked on it almost instantly. Now all I need to do is set up a garena account or something close to that I think.
posted by Male'ana at 5:12:00 PM
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